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:icondivinitusrenes: More from DivinitusRenes


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Submitted on
May 18, 2012
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How does happiness turn into loneliness?
The beautiful glow of her smile is lost,
bound in steel wire and tortured in the
same cold darkness that now hides her heart.

How does passion become apathy?
Once a kiss that stole from the lungs
and left the lips wet and wanting more;
now a kiss from a mouth dry and lips chapped,
breathing toxin - a kiss of death.

How does commitment fall silent?
The foundation always holds strong
through the trials of weather and time,
but housing fear and pain has
collapsed the walls that surrounded us.
Me.
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:iconanonymousmoustache:
I know whats wrong with the third stanza now. It shouldn't be so optimistic. Consider tweaking it a bit?
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:icondivinitusrenes:
DivinitusRenes Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I don't think there is much of any optimism to be found in the third stanza. It notes that the foundation has never crumbled before, but the walls have entirely collapsed. Sometimes there isn't much point in bothering with the foundation of a house if there are literally no walls.
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:iconsusurrousity:
susurrousity May 25, 2012  Student Writer
this is quite wonderful. just sayin'.

very sad, though.
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:icondivinitusrenes:
DivinitusRenes May 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I didn't really like the third stanza. And yes, very sad, I know =/
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:iconsusurrousity:
susurrousity May 26, 2012  Student Writer
it doesn't quite fit with the other two. but, with that being said, it's actually my favourite stanza of the three. perhaps it just needs a different context.
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